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How to be your own Backstop


When I was a kid living in Canberra learning softball, my favourite position was backstop.


The ball hurtling towards me from the pitcher didn’t faze me. If the batter missed, then I was in a prime position to catch the ball and get them out. I didn’t have the pressure of being a pitcher.


In life, it’s so reassuring to have a backstop to catch the missed balls, so to speak.

  • A good friend or family member who can reassure us that we’re important.

  • A spouse who ‘gets us’ and understands how we’re feeling with just a look.

  • A boss or co-worker who really values our contribution.

The only problem is: if we come to rely on feedback from others to feel validated more than validating and acknowledging ourselves from within.


Sometimes we seek validation or reassurance from outside of ourselves all the time. It has become a habit. And the ability to soothe ourselves and congratulate ourselves for all that we do becomes weak through disuse.


So, I want to encourage you to be your own backstop. Be your own cheerleader, your own support person.


Think about what you can do to soothe yourself when you’re worried, feeling misunderstood, or under-appreciated.


Soothing yourself like this could mean writing down your top 3 values and then examples in the last week where you have practised your values.



For example:


The value of thoughtfulness. On Monday morning I texted my friend to ask how she got on with her uni assignments over the weekend.


The value of being organised. This week I have made a menu plan and pre-cooked some meals so that we all eat healthy without resorting to takeout – again.


Or you could listen to an inspiring podcast or consider what you’re grateful for. It doesn’t need to take long.


Start today building the habit of acknowledging yourself rather than waiting, hoping and sending out hints to others to acknowledge you.


If you would like to talk about how you can soothe yourself without relying on other people then you can:


Head over to the website to read some other blogs about increasing your emotional well-being.


Call me for a chat 0492 918 646

Book a session to talk things over in detail


Join the Facebook group Working Parent Wins to share your ideas.


Email me at kyliebellcounselling@gmail.com


Let's all get better at being our own backstops!!

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