We do our best to shield our children from harm. We lock up the house when we leave it. We abide by the policies of our workplace because we want to keep our jobs. Personal boundaries are a form of protection. Numerous research studies link healthy personal boundaries with mental and physical well-being, achievement, satisfaction and having a meaningful life. Boundaries define what you believe and they define your preferences. They protect you from people who might cheat you, violate you or otherwise rip you off. Boundaries bring order. They help you sift from among all the demands, people, tasks, choices, dreams and commitments that come your way. Boundaries help you choose what’s meaningful to you so you can avoid chaos by saying “yes” to everything.
Personal boundaries can be too flimsy or too firm. When boundaries are too flimsy you say “yes” to so many requests and demands that you have no energy left for yourself. You may share personal information with other people before you know if it’s safe to share. This makes you unnecessarily vulnerable.
Boundaries that are too rigid can cause you to reject new information that might change your opinions and allow you to grow. There’s often a lot of fear around when boundaries are threatened. The fear might be masked by anger – but it’s fear nonetheless. Those with very firm boundaries also have trouble getting close to others. As a result, they can be lonely, miss out on help or opportunities and can sometimes become depressed.
If reading this leads you to ponder over your own personal boundaries and realise that they might need some attention – that’s fantastic!
Any openings to examine your life more closely and try to improve your relationships or mindset are to be welcomed. Life might get awkward or confusing for a time. But if you persist on a path of growth you will reap so much from it that is positive, soul-enriching and expansive. Improving boundaries takes practice, trial and error, a willingness to feel a bit scared and commitment to our well-being. The benefits include a clearer sense of who you are, more respect from those around you, more calm in your outer life, a more peaceful inner life, more opportunities and fewer times when you’re fooled by people who don’t have your best interests at heart.
If you would like to talk some more about how you can increase your self-respect so that others respect you more (which is the core of personal boundaries) then: * Call me on 0492 918 646 * Email me at kyliebellcounselling@gmail.com * Book an appointment