Here are some questions for you:
- How many hours of Netflix do you watch in an evening or over a weekend? [It’s ok, I’m not going to ask you to say the number out loud😊]
- What time in the afternoon on a workday do you start watching the clock? Or.. have you already started counting down the hours by 11am?
- How often do you wish that your kids were older so that they could [do, be, behave] differently than they do at their current age?
- How much dread do you feel on Sunday evening as you draw closer to Monday morning and the endless work cycle is about to begin all over again? Or: the evening before you’re due to fly out to your FIFO job?
- Where did that jumbo block of chocolate go? Someone else has eaten it [maybe the dog?] because it definitely wasn’t you… again.. while you were watching Netflix.
These are signs that you’re living on autopilot and life has lost its zest. It happens to all of us at some time.
And usually we start to crave some change. We imagine really shaking up our lives and starting a serious exercise program, never eating chocolate again, teaching our 3 and 5-year-olds how to use the washing machine, starting up an online business selling Amazon products and retiring to Bali by December.
And that’s where you get unstuck. Your hidden Perfectionist Monster lures you in to expecting to make massive changes instead of starting small. You imagine you need to take the Snow Globe approach to life and SHAKE EVERYTHING UP !!
Most mothers have an untamed Perfectionist Monster at large somewhere in their lives. After all: we all want the very best for our children, don’t we? Your Perfectionist Monster might be selective. You might have a messy house but also very stern standards around buying the latest toys for your children. You might not get to the gym and feel a little out of shape but you are rigorous in ensuring that your children have lovely clothes and can write their name using the proper pencil grip before they turn 4..
But your Perfectionist Monster does exist. And she will open her jaws and claws at the very mention of ‘improvement’. She will want you to start changes in a really big way.
If you have a Perfectionist Monster then you may feel drawn to tackling big changes that set you up to fail. If you have children and a job then you are very unlikely to maintain a 5 day per week HIIT class or completely avoid Netflix when you feel utterly exhausted.
So, take the Anti-Snow Globe approach to change. Start with a small habit that you will begin doing or stop doing that you hardly notice. Don’t shake everything up all at once. That’s too scary and demanding and your nervous system will freak out and having you running back to the couch to watch [choose your best binge worthy show] from the beginning again. You will back away from change as it all seems too challenging and probably criticise yourself at the same time.
Start small. Walk for 10 minutes. Keep chocolate out of the house for 5 days. Schedule 1 hour to look at other jobs or update your CV. Say ‘no’ to an invitation from a colleague (not a close friend or family).
Consider the Boundary Setting Pyramid that I came up with (see below).
Start at the lower levels practicing easy boundaries or changes and work upwards when you feel ready.
Let me know how you get on !!